Adoption is a life-changing journey for all involved. In recent years, the concept of open adoption—where adoptive families and birth parents maintain some level of contact—has gained recognition around the world. While it is still a relatively new or uncommon arrangement in Malaysia and Singapore, interest is growing among prospective parents seeking more transparent, child-centred approaches.
Open adoption can offer incredible benefits to the child, such as a stronger sense of identity and access to family history. But it also comes with emotional complexity and requires thoughtful boundaries and clear communication. Here’s what you need to know about navigating open adoptions with empathy, understanding, and intention.
What Is an Open Adoption?
In an open adoption, the adoptive family and the birth parents agree to maintain some form of contact. This could range from:
- Letter or email exchanges
- Phone or video calls
- Photos and updates
- In-person visits (occasionally or regularly)
The level of openness depends on what both parties are comfortable with and what’s best for the child. It’s different from a closed adoption, where there is no contact or information exchange after the adoption is finalized.
Benefits of Open Adoption
1. A Stronger Identity for the Child
Children can grow up with a better understanding of their origins, which helps them form a more complete sense of self.
2. Reduced Feelings of Abandonment
Knowing their birth parents cared enough to maintain contact can help children feel loved and accepted.
3. Access to Medical and Family History
Open adoptions allow adoptive parents to stay informed about medical conditions or traits that may affect the child.
4. Healing for Birth Parents
Staying involved in some way can give birth parents peace of mind and emotional closure, knowing their child is loved and well cared for.
Challenges of Open Adoption
1. Navigating Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges is defining and maintaining clear boundaries between the birth and adoptive families. Everyone must agree on the type and frequency of contact.
2. Managing Emotions
Adoptive parents may feel uncertain or threatened at times. Birth parents may experience grief or guilt. Children may feel torn between two families. These feelings are normal and manageable with open communication.
3. Cultural and Legal Considerations
In Malaysia and Singapore, adoption laws tend to lean toward closed arrangements. However, informal open adoptions—built on mutual trust and private agreements—are possible. Always consult with a legal advisor to ensure all parties’ rights and responsibilities are protected.
Tips for Making Open Adoption Work
1. Start With Honest Conversations
Talk openly with your partner and the birth parents about expectations, fears, and long-term goals. Set boundaries early and revisit them as your relationship evolves.
2. Create a Communication Plan
Agree on how you’ll communicate (emails, messages, letters, visits), how often, and what topics are appropriate. Having clear, written expectations helps prevent misunderstandings.
3. Prioritise the Child’s Wellbeing
As your child grows, their needs and feelings should shape the level of contact. Some children crave more information, while others prefer distance. Be flexible and supportive either way.
4. Use Language That Builds Trust
Speak positively about the birth parents to your child. Avoid language that might make them feel divided or confused about where their loyalty should lie.
5. Seek Support When Needed
Adoption counselling, family therapy, or support groups can provide guidance as you navigate this emotional terrain. Both Malaysia and Singapore have growing networks of adoptive parent communities where you can share and learn.
Open Adoption in Malaysia and Singapore: A Developing Concept
While open adoption is more established in countries like the US and Australia, it’s still emerging in Southeast Asia. Most adoptions here go through legal channels such as the Department of Social Welfare (Malaysia) or MSF (Singapore), where openness depends on agency policy and the birth parents’ wishes.
If you’re considering an open adoption:
- Work closely with adoption agencies or social workers
- Be mindful of privacy and confidentiality laws
- Ensure that any agreements prioritise the child’s long-term interests
Open adoption is not about “sharing” a child—it’s about sharing love, responsibility, and truth. When handled with care and honesty, it can create a beautiful, extended support network for your child. It requires trust, boundaries, and a deep commitment to your child’s emotional wellbeing—but the result can be a more compassionate, connected family.
