Tantrums are a normal part of childhood—and one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. Whether your toddler is flailing on the floor at a shopping mall in Kuala Lumpur, or your preschooler is screaming at home in Singapore, tantrums can test even the most patient parent.
But here’s the good news: tantrums aren’t just chaotic outbursts—they’re a child’s way of expressing overwhelming feelings they don’t yet know how to manage. When handled calmly and consistently, tantrums become opportunities to teach emotional regulation and strengthen your bond with your child.
Why Do Children Have Tantrums?
Tantrums usually occur between the ages of 1 and 5, when language, emotional, and self-control skills are still developing. Common causes include:
- Frustration or lack of control
- Tiredness or hunger
- Changes in routine
- Seeking attention
- Inability to express feelings with words
In Malaysia and Singapore, where busy lifestyles and structured routines are common, it’s important to build in emotional space and downtime to reduce the risk of outbursts.
1. Stay Calm—Even When They’re Not
Your reaction matters. When you respond to a tantrum with shouting or punishment, it may escalate the situation. Instead:
- Take a deep breath before responding.
- Lower your voice to model calmness.
- Remind yourself: “My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.”
Children mirror adult behaviour. Staying composed teaches them how to regulate their own emotions over time.
2. Don’t Try to Reason During the Tantrum
Trying to explain or reason in the middle of a meltdown rarely works. Instead, focus on safety and containment:
- Gently guide your child to a safe space.
- Avoid long lectures or negotiation.
- Keep your language simple and soothing: “I’m here. Let’s breathe together.”
Once the tantrum passes, you can talk about what happened and how to respond differently next time.
3. Offer Empathy, Not Shame
Children want to be understood—even when they’re acting out. Validating their feelings doesn’t mean giving in to demands, but it shows you care.
Try saying:
- “I know you’re upset because we had to leave the playground.”
- “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”
This helps your child feel seen and safe, making it easier to calm down.
4. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
While empathy is key, children also need firm limits. Be consistent in your rules and follow through gently.
For example:
- “I won’t let you hit. We can talk when you’re calm.”
- “We can’t buy that toy today. Let’s take a photo and put it on your wish list.”
When children know what to expect, they feel more secure and less likely to test limits through tantrums.
5. Use Distraction and Redirection (for Younger Children)
Toddlers have short attention spans, so distraction can be powerful:
- Point out something interesting nearby.
- Offer a different toy or activity.
- Use humour to shift the mood.
Redirection works best before the tantrum fully escalates.
6. Praise Positive Behaviour
Reinforce the behaviour you want to see:
- “You stayed calm when I said no—well done.”
- “I saw how you used your words instead of yelling. That’s great.”
Positive reinforcement helps children understand what is expected and builds emotional maturity.
7. Watch for Triggers
Keep a journal or mental note of when tantrums are most likely to happen. Common patterns include:
- Right before meals or naps
- During transitions (leaving the house, bedtime)
- After overstimulation
When you identify triggers, you can plan ahead—bring snacks, give a 5-minute warning before transitions, or schedule quiet time.
8. Teach Emotional Words
Children often act out because they lack the vocabulary to express feelings. Teach simple emotional words:
- “Are you feeling sad, angry, or frustrated?”
- “Can you show me with your hands how big your feelings are?”
Over time, this helps children replace screaming with speaking.
9. Take Care of Yourself Too
Managing tantrums is emotionally draining. Make sure you:
- Take breaks when possible
- Ask for support from your partner or family
- Remind yourself that this phase will pass
A regulated parent helps raise a regulated child.
When to Seek Help
Occasional tantrums are normal. But if your child has tantrums that:
- Last more than 15 minutes regularly
- Involve self-harm or aggression
- Happen daily beyond age 5
…it may be helpful to speak with a paediatrician or child psychologist. Early intervention can make a big difference.
Tantrums are tough—but they’re also teachable moments. By responding with patience, empathy, and structure, you’re not just stopping a meltdown—you’re helping your child build emotional resilience that will last a lifetime.
Remember, you’re not alone. Every parent has been there. And with calm, consistent guidance, this challenging phase can become a meaningful part of your parenting journey.
