The other day, while chatting with a friend over coffee, we both sighed in exasperation at how packed our kids’ schedules have become. Between piano lessons, ballet classes, soccer practice, and tutoring sessions, it feels like my entire week is spent ferrying my children from one activity to the next. It wasn’t until I sat down one evening, feeling utterly exhausted, that I asked myself: When did childhood become a series of appointments?
This question is one that many parents are grappling with today, especially in high-pressure environments like Singapore and Malaysia, where the competition to succeed starts early. We want to give our kids every advantage—a head start in academics, sports, arts, and life skills. But in our quest to raise well-rounded, high-achieving children, have we lost sight of what childhood is really about? Are we robbing them of the chance to just be kids?
The debate about whether modern parents are over-scheduling their children has been raging for years. But the reality is that many of us, even when we’re aware of the problem, struggle to step off the hamster wheel of enrichment classes, extracurricular activities, and structured playdates. The pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. But is it really helping our children? Or are we doing more harm than good?
1. The Rise of the “Overscheduled Child”
In recent years, the term “overscheduled child” has become a popular buzzword in parenting circles. Studies have shown that children today are far busier than previous generations. A 2018 survey by a child development research group revealed that the average child between the ages of 6 and 12 spends over 20 hours per week in structured activities outside of school. That’s not counting homework or family commitments.
It’s not hard to see why. The competitive academic environment, particularly in Asian countries, puts immense pressure on parents to ensure their children don’t “fall behind.” The fear is real—if my child isn’t taking additional math classes, won’t she be at a disadvantage? If he’s not learning Mandarin or coding, won’t that limit his future opportunities?
Couple that with the rise of social media, where parents often feel judged by their peers for not having their kids enrolled in every possible extracurricular activity, and it’s easy to see why so many of us fall into the trap of over-scheduling.
But at what cost?
2. The Toll on Mental Health and Well-being
The truth is, an overpacked schedule can have significant negative effects on a child’s mental and emotional well-being. Children who are constantly shuffled from one activity to another may experience stress, anxiety, and even burnout—terms we usually associate with adults but are increasingly being seen in younger children.
I remember talking to a fellow parent whose seven-year-old daughter burst into tears one afternoon because she was overwhelmed with piano practice, swimming lessons, and school homework. Seven years old! And already feeling the weight of adult-like stress.
Children need downtime, just like we do. They need moments of unstructured play where they can let their imagination run wild, or even time to just be bored. There’s growing evidence that boredom is, in fact, a critical part of childhood development. It fosters creativity, problem-solving, and resilience. When kids are constantly entertained or engaged in structured activities, they lose the ability to create their own fun, to think independently, and to manage their own time.
And yet, the message society sends us as parents is that more is better. More activities mean a more well-rounded child. More structure means more success. But is this really true?
3. The Case for Less Structure: Rediscovering Free Play
I grew up in a time when afternoons after school were spent riding bikes, climbing trees, and playing pretend games with my friends. There were no scheduled activities, no enrichment classes, and certainly no academic pressure at the age of six. We were free to explore, to be imaginative, and yes, sometimes to get into a little trouble.
But those unstructured moments taught me so much—how to make decisions, how to entertain myself, and how to work out social dynamics without adult intervention. I developed independence, and more importantly, I enjoyed a carefree childhood.
Today’s children rarely have that luxury. Free play has been replaced by organized sports teams, private tutoring, and even competitive hobbies. I’m not saying that structured activities are all bad—far from it. Many kids thrive in these environments. But when every hour of a child’s life is planned out, they lose something essential: the ability to learn from play, to entertain themselves, and to make mistakes on their own terms.
There’s a growing movement among child development experts advocating for the return of free play and less structure in children’s lives. Psychologists argue that free play is crucial for the development of executive functions—the mental skills that help us plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. These are the skills that help children become independent, critical thinkers.
Free play also allows children to develop social skills at their own pace. When kids engage in unstructured group play, they learn how to negotiate, share, and resolve conflicts without adult intervention. These are lifelong skills that can’t be taught in a classroom or during a structured activity.
So, What’s the Balance?
Of course, the big question is: How do we find the balance? How do we, as parents, provide our children with opportunities to grow and succeed without overwhelming them with too much structure? It’s not an easy question to answer, especially in high-achieving societies like Singapore and Malaysia, where academic success is seen as a direct pathway to a secure future.
But perhaps the answer lies in trusting that our children don’t need to be busy all the time to be successful. Maybe they need more space to breathe, to daydream, and to explore the world on their own terms.
For me, this meant making a conscious decision to pull back on some of the activities I’d signed my children up for. We cut down on after-school tutoring and replaced it with an hour at the playground. Instead of signing them up for multiple extracurriculars, we encouraged them to choose one activity they were truly passionate about. And most importantly, we made sure there was time in their week for free play—time that wasn’t filled with structured plans or adult expectations.
And you know what? They didn’t fall behind. In fact, they thrived. They became more independent, more creative, and less stressed. Sure, there are still days when I wonder if they’re doing “enough,” but I’ve learned to trust that childhood doesn’t need to be a race.
Reclaiming Childhood
As parents, we all want the best for our kids. But sometimes, in our eagerness to give them every advantage, we forget that the best thing we can give them is space—space to play, to imagine, and to grow at their own pace. The over-scheduling epidemic might seem like the norm, but it’s not the only way to raise successful, happy children.
By stepping back and letting our kids reclaim their childhood, we may be giving them the greatest gift of all: the freedom to discover who they are and what they’re truly passionate about—on their own terms.
